For you

so hey. I’m just the weird kid with Blue hair. I have naturally dark hair. and it took so much effort to get it to this point. I mean first time I bleached it. I went ginger. and then green. and I’m sure I’ll tell you guys all about it at some point. But right now. I just wanted to say. I get people come up to me and tell me how brave I am. and I’m like dude, all I did was dye my hair. They would normally reply with I wish I had the guts to do something like that.     And you can!
What I’m trying to say is. You wear that dress this summer. you wear that hat. Those shoes are not too bright. You will you love yourself more if you wear and dress that way you want. My life has changed so much when I stopped dressing for everyone else, and started dressing for me.

Its summer. so wear that bikini, show off them legs. Just do anything you like, so that when you leave your house, that smile is got gonna leave your face the whole day

xx

Books, Books and more Books

oh my god! I adore books! I adore any kind of story. You can sit me down and tell me any kind of story and I will stay and listen till I’m dead. Its my one weakness

So as you can guess I’m that type of kid that will carry a book with them everywhere, and sometimes two just in case I finish the first one. But last night I started to read Everything Everything. and oh my. I started it at like very late. and I tell you now. Never. and I mean NEVER!  start a book late at night when you neeed to be up tomorrow. because if you’re anything like me you will be up till 4 and not sleep till the story is complete. So today I am oh so very tired. and really don’t wanna go college. but hey. wish me luck xx

My favorite poem

So I was just sitting in college when my friend out of nowhere just started to read to me this poem that she knows off by heart. and I have never fell in love with something so fast before. the poem is untitled but is by Stephen Chbosky (gotta love that name) and it is my favorite poem. This poem needs to be read out loud so you can feel the rhythm. and then you can just cry about it after

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X’s

and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Autumn”

because that was the name of the season
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint

And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Innocence: A Question”
because that was the question about his girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle’s Creed went

And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem

And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”
Because that’s what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn’t think

he could reach the kitchen.”

I made Cinnamon rolls

so today I made cinnamon rolls, a simple task, which means my young mind was active. Thinking why my boyfriend wasn’t replying. Where was my mum?  why wasn’t I doing something better with my life? but also plying out cute little stories in my mind that I knew that would never happen.  well long story short, I was married with 2 children making cinnamon rolls in a friends house as I was running away from an evil boss. so yeah.

As I making my cinnamon rolls. I started to think about love. A horrible subject to comprehend. well, me being me and have always believe that the world should be fair. That there should be a balance of mega shit storm and happily ever after. So I was wondering maybe love is hard because you’ve found the right person. That how are we meant to know what is best for us. and who is best for us. Is best for us the easiest way? because then why would people try? and isn’t love meant to be hard work. That’s why marriages end because people think that’s the hard bit, getting the girl. but no its keeping it. you cant false advertise yourself and then expect your marriage to be happily ever after.  I just. I’m young and by that I mean have no knowledge of love. so there’s are all just questions and guesses.

I burnt the rolls…

rules of my childhood

I grew up in a way that was different to the norm. I mean yes. growing up without a father is considered quite normally now. but for me he was there just enough so I know what one should be like. What I was missing out on. My mother never remarried, and didn’t have boyfriends. So in a way I don’t know what a father figure is. And I guess I never will.

But I want to talk about the way my mother raised me. Now she has been a Christian all her life. So that’s how she planned on raising her 5 children. And because she was a signal mother her wishes were met. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining that she added a religious aspect to my life. In fact I thank her for it. But what she did do was give me an extremely controlled childhood. For example here is a list of things I wasn’t allowed to watch or do:

  • watch any harry potter films
  • watch anything with magic or anything involved in it
  • wasn’t even allowed to watch That’s so rave (if any of you remember that)
  • IN ALL MY 17 YEARS I HAVE NEVER CELEBRATED HALLOWEEN
  • no tattoos
  • not allowed sex before marriage
  • no boyfriends who aren’t religious
  • or allowed to spent a night at a boys house
  • not even allowed to be in the same room as a boy alone.
  • don’t even get me started on being gay or bi or anything. only option in my house is straight. so damn straight.
  • check everything I bought or wore, before I left the house.
  • church every Sunday. (unless she didn’t want to)

There is probably more but I really cant remember. but what I hated most about these rules was that there were unspoken. and by that I mean I could never question them. and there were just seen as morals. and so I guess I had no choice but to have no problems with them.  It weird now. because back a few years ago. I just thought that was how life was like. Because that’s how I grew up. and now. I’m older it feels weird to look back and see it for what it is.

so I have Blue Hair

Okay. yes I dyed my hair blue.

But that does not mean you can stare. It does not mean you can give me dirty looks in the street, or point at me. or in any way signal me out.

It does not mean you get to judge anything else about me.

Now I get that its bright and its going to give me attention, I cant hide. I stick out like a sore thumb, but that’s no excuse to be rude.

I have had people giggle and stare, and say rude things at me. I’m sorry but if I chose to were a blue t-shirt today would you do the same?